8 Things To STOP Doing To Become Confident


CONFIDENCE- from the latin ‘ confidentia’ — to  confide in one’s self, to have full belief and trust in

1. Stop counting your ‘failures’

Confidence is one of the opposites of perfectionism…and waiting for things to be perfect because you are afraid of not doing things 100% perfectly is essentially setting yourself up for a losing game. Confident people actually put themselves in situations where they might fail….or won’t be the best, smartest, or most competent person in the room. They eliminate a ceiling for growth by constantly putting themselves in situations where they are a ‘freshman’. Don’t wait for perfect circumstances or things to be just right to start taking chances.

2. Stop looking at your body as the ‘thing’ that’s going to make you feel like you have it all.

Confident women can look at their bodies and feel sexy and beautiful despite the number on the scale, the amount of stretch marks on their stomach, the pockets of cellulite on their legs, or any other indicator of beauty we see in magazines. Losing weight and being a certain size have little to do with LOVING and feeling PROUD of your BODY. Confidence and sexyness are a SKILL and a PRACTICE….an apples to oranges comparison of scale weight and jeans size.

3. Stop blaming other people or making excuses for what you don’t love about your life.

A surefire way to feel dis-empowered and AVOID getting what you want is to let other people become responsible for your life. Confident people take full ownership and responsibility for their lives, and don’t apologize for being their true selves. Blaming others is the same thing as making excuses and creating ‘stories’ that don’t serve your life. You and only you are responsible for what does or does not happen in your life.

4. Stop avoiding change or ‘uncomfortable’ situations

Confident people don’t fear change. In fact they fear staying the same, and in order to create changes that lead to transformation, it’s inevitable that you have to step outside your comfort zone and take chances to get what you want. Confident people embrace change, put themselves in the line of fire for new experiences and don’t let fear of the unknown keep them from going after what they want. Change and transformation is scary….but confident people “feel the fear and do it anyways”

5. Stop talking ‘smack’ to yourself about yourself

Wanna know the easiest way to bury confidence in ground? Become your own anti-confidence bully. We can all be a little hard on ourselves at times ….but confident people don’t let self-depricating beliefs stick around for very long. They act as their own personal Best Friend rather than let the BITCHES’ stick around and get cozy. (Read more about the ‘bitches’ that may be showing up in your life RIGHT HERE). Start today: be a little kinder and more compassionate to yourself, and you’ll be shocked at what you discover underneath all that criticism.

6. Stop trying to be like anyone else other than yourself

Confident people love who they are and love who they are becoming and know their true AUTHENTIC self. They can look at other people and love and admire what they see….without letting it dictate who they themselves want to be. Authenticity is one of the harder things to achieve because it first entails creating an awareness of where you are letting other people’s opinions or definitions define you….but it’s one of the fastest and most potent ways to feel confident in yourself.

7. Stop criticizing others

Confident people don’t go around nit-picking or looking for other people’s flaws. When people are overly critical or uber-judgemental, it’s usually a matter of trying to make themselves feel better for what they don’t have. Try this on for size: Instead of feeling jealous, try being happy for someone for the same reasons. Instead of focusing on what’s not there or what someone isn’t doing, try the reverse and recognize what is there and what is being done. Try on the compassion and gratitude hat instead of the critical nit-picky hat for a day, and watch your own confidence soar.

8. Stop focusing on what you don’t want or don’t like or don’t want more of.

Call it the law of attraction, good karma, or manifesting what you do or don’t want. Either way, if you focus on what you don’t like or don’t want more of, you’ll find more of that creeping into your life. One of my fave motivational speakers Sean Stephenson refers to the G.A.P. (goals, appreciations, and preferences) and the F.E.D. (fears, envies, dislikes). He says that focusing on the GAP will leave you feeling happy and loving life….and focusing on the FED will leave you feeling miserable. I couldn’t agree more….and when I’m feeling like crap, getting down on myself, and feeling my confidence and power slip away, you better believe it’s because I’m focusing on the FED.